Every Word She Said
by NickyNineDoors99
Summary: After Carly comes out on the shows, deep in the closet Sam is worried about what her homophobic mother has to say about it, and Sam finds a way to "deal" with it... WARNING: Cam...self-harm... don't like don't read
1. A Way of Dealing

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly, but I would certainly like to… *hinthintwinkwinknudgenudge* Dan Schneider!

Sam's POV

"I'm Carly."

"And I'm Sam."

"And this is iCarly!" we yelled as I pushed the button on my remote to start the _Random Dancing_ segment of our show.

We had everything going right and we were about to end when Carly got this serious look on her face. "Ladies and Gentlemen of the world. Tonight, here on iCarly, you will hear and witness something that no one else knows, not even Sam over there," she said, pointing in my direction as Freddie swung the camera at me, and then back at Carly. "I would like you to think hard on this, and not be taken back from usual standards of this phrase or word. I would like, especially all you going to Ridgewood to think about the good times we had together, and that when I say this none of that will change."

Freddie and I looked at each other. I really wish I knew what she was talking about, I thought silently. "Okay, here we go," she said.

"As you all know, I had been dating Freddie Benson up until recently, and just for the record, he broke up with me. Yes, I know you won't believe it, mostly you Sam," she said staring at me, "but he did. Which was a good thing, because as much as I love Freddie, and I do love you Freddie, I love you like I love Spencer, like a brother."

The dork's head sagged slightly, but you could see on his face that he knew she was going to say it out loud some day. "I have realized over the past few years that I'm different than everyone. I always had different styles of clothing, different hair styles that I thought were cool, but to please my brother, and to not stand out, I conformed," she said sadly. "I conformed to the popularity of high school. I'm not proud of it, but I'm sure enough of myself now that I'm ready to start standing out, to be myself for once. You see my up here as Carly, the girl from iCarly, the one who doesn't date, gets straight A's and is a goodie-goodie. I know I'm a goodie-goodie, because I love order as much as Sam loves chaos. I get straight A's because I love to learn, and nothing is going to stop me. I don't date because…" she trails, and looks down at her feet. She wrings her hands in front of her and looks back up at the camera. "I don't date because I'm a lesbian." She smiled at the camera and made her way over to the tech cart to shut off our live stream. My jaw dropped. My Cupcake was gay? How was that even possible? She dated the dork for two weeks? Was that it? He turned her gay? I would kiss him, but I don't kiss boys, not since Nadine Tailor in 6th grade. I've hidden my true sexuality from everyone the minute I heard my mother talk about the homosexual agenda. I shook my head.

Carly was consoling Freddie, telling him that he didn't "turn" her gay, that she was born that way. She helped him stand up, and walk towards the door. I followed silently behind them, and when we got to Carly's flat, at the bottom of the stairs, Freddie fainted. Luckily I was there to catch him, but I still had to carry him over to his place, and tell his mother what happened. I knocked on his apartment door with my foot, and waited for Mrs. Benson to get the door. "Freddie? Did you forget your key again Fredward? Am I going to have to... FREDDIE!" she yelled, and fell to her knees. She glared at me. "Devil child! What did you do to my poor Fredward?" she asked, her eyes glaring daggers at my own. "Me? I thought you watched iCarly? Carly did this to him, this time, not me," I said as I dragged him past his mother and into his bedroom.

I plopped his top half on the bed, and put his feet up afterward. I took off his shoes, and went into the bathroom, where I proceeded to fill them with shaving cream (who knew the dork shaved?) and place them behind his door. I left quietly, helping Mrs. Benson up from the floor before I left. "Is it true then? What Carly said?" she asked, her eyes hopeful. I sighed. "Yes, it's true Mrs. Benson. Carly is gay. I just wished she would have told me first," I said sadly, thinking that my friend would have trusted me. But then I remembered that I haven't told her about my being gay, so I guess we're sort of even. I looked at Freddie's Mom. She actually looked sad.

I closed the door behind me and went back into the Shay apartment, where Spencer was pacing back and forth. "Carly? Is it true? Why would she joke about a think like that? No, you wouldn't joke about a thing like that. What about a dare? Were you dared to say that on your show? No, you wouldn't do that either, and ever since the dirt incident when you were 12 you haven't taken a dare in that game," he thought aloud. That's the one thing you could count Spencer in for, speaking his mind, and telling the truth. I'm pretty sure Spencer couldn't tell a lie.

"Spencer I didn't joke, I wasn't dared, I didn't lie, I was blackmailed, and before you even ask I wasn't abducted my your Jupiter Martians and have my brain probed with a straw," she said, looking into his eyes. He looked at her and sat down. She sat down next to him and took his hand in hers. "Are you happy? Will you be happy?" he asked, searching her face for an answer. She smiled her Carly smile and shook her head. "Yeah Spence, I will. I've known I was different even before Mom died. I actually talked with her about it. She had warned me that if I told people, that they might not react well, but know that I'm older, I knew what she meant. I just hope that people will understand that nothing has changed," she said sadly. God how I loathed family moments, maybe it was because I never had any... ever.

"Well, I'm off. My cat's got to take this pill thing, for the... rabies. See you tomorrow Carls?" I asked, standing up to give her a hug. She got up with me, and wrapped her arms around me, "Sure thing Sam. Usual time?" she asked as she kissed my cheek, per the norm. I kiss her cheek in return. "Yupp, but I might be a little late. My Mom's supposed to be home tonight, so it's gonna be a long one, you know?" She nods her head in agreement. "Night Spence!" I yelled as I closed the door behind me and make my way home.

I let everyone believe that I live in a run down house. I have my father's last name, so I don't have to worry about anyone recognizing me as my mother's daughter.

I pushed open the gate of 1221 Golden Chessnut Road and ran to the front door. Even thought I slept over at Carly's every other night, I still had a curfew. I slipped through the door just as the clock chimed 8 o'clock. "Mom! I'm home!" I yelled about the noise of the clock. I took off my shoes, and placed then in the front closet, then made my way down the longest hallway into the lion's den, my mother's office. "Samantha? Would you come here please?" she asked in a tone that said 'defy me and die' all over it. "Yes mother," I replied as sweetly as possible. At school I might be able to act like myself, but at home? No way in hell is that happening.

I walked through the door of her office to see that she had once again redecorated. The once bright walls were now a dark colour of blue with splashes of golden and the carpet was now a light green colour. "Again mother? Shouldn't you be spending the tax payers money else where?" I tease, hoping and praying that she didn't see tonight's iCarly. "Darling, don't be ridiculous. This is my own money, which I earned through my own hard work. The people here need order, and I am willing to give it."

I swallowed. This was going to be a really long night. "Well... good night Mom, I have a test tomorrow, and I need a good night's sleep before I take it," I said, turning toward the door, 5 steps away from freedom. "One second Samantha," I heard. I turned around and she was clacking away at her computer. "I get straight A's because I love to learn, and nothing is going to stop me. I don't date because... I don't date because I'm a lesbian." I heard, and my face went the colour of a sheet. Now I was in for it.

"Samantha Puckett-Peterson. What did I tell you about picking you friends? I don't want that, that... dyke corrupting you. Homosexuality is evil, and they bring new people into their cults by the second. I have no doubt in my mind that it was that older brother of hers. What was it? Skippy? Skid?" she said, waving her hand haphazardly in the air. "It's Spencer," I said quietly, hoping that I wouldn't get punished for speaking out of turn. "Whatever the name, I knew from the minute I lay eyes on him that he was one of _them,"_ she said, her eyes slanting. "They pray on the young and weak, and bring them down with them. You will stop being friends with this dyke this instant, and I refuse to see her anywhere near my children," she said. "All of us?" I asked, surprised. Before Melanie and me, there was our older brother, Michael. He came out to my Mom and Dad shortly after we turned 6. My mother through him out of the house, and when his best friend, Josh, called and asked for Mickey, my Mom lost it and got a restraining order on both of them. Now I can't even phone him to say happy birthday.

I swear I saw steam coming out of her ears. "You will not speak of that faggot in this house hold young lady. You will not speak to him; talk of him, or any of his gay friends. You will stay away from Carly Shay, and you will never ever talk back to me like that. EVER!" she yelled, spit flying from the force. I cowered and nodded my head. I left quietly, fleeing down the hallway to my escape. Being the mayor's daughter, I knew every criminal in this town, and I had at least all of them teach me a trick or too about locks and safety. With a flick of my wrist, I had the door unlocked, and got inside before my Mom got any more wise ideas. I turned on the light and locked all the locks on my door, all ten of them. You can never be too careful. I set my alarm, and finally turned around. It was your typical teenagers room. Black walls, bands posters plastered around the room at different angles. I went over armoire and pushed in the wooded beads to reveal a hidden compartment I had build myself. There I pushed a few buttons and the bookcase slid open. I closed the compartment and walked up the stairs, my feet getting heavier as I went, but then lighter, knowing what was up there for me.

I turned all the lights on, as well as the video cameras; one in every hall way, two in my mother's office, one on the front door, two on the back, and one for each of the spare bedrooms. Four computer screens flared to life, and showed me what was going on in my house, but I ignored them and walked over to what I really wanted. I opened the closet, and grabbed the bag that was in it. I sat down in my red chair, and opened it, to see my beautiful metal, waiting for me as impatiently as I've been waiting for it.

I grab one, and roll up the sleeves of my shirt to see the angry red lines from last week. _It's been too long_, I thought, as I held the cool metal against my wanting skin. I closed my eyes and slid it delicately across my skin, feeling the heat escape, and loving the clear-headedness that I got from the one cut. I let my right arm relax, and focused on the pain no gathering in my left arm. I opened my eyes to see a line of red blood running horizontally down the flesh of my arm. I sighed. If only everything was this easy, but it isn't. I'm reminded of how my mother told me that Carly was a dyke, and how Mickey is a fag, and I slice again, feeling the tingles spread from my arms to my toes, and then up to my head. Then I think about Spencer, and I slice. Freddie, another, Melanie, another, Carly, another, me, the final slice. I put the razor back in its bed and I relax against the chair. My arm is throbbing, but in a way that is soothing. I blindly make my way to the bathroom, and the bright light hurts my eyes until they adjust. I run my arm under cold water, seeing the water turn from dark red, to a light pink. I stop the water, and dry it my dabbing the marks with a dry towel. I smother them in anti-bacteria cream, and wrap my arm in gauze. I pull back down my sleeve, and try not to wince at the slight pain of the tiniest pressure.

I go and sit down at my computer, and open up the iCarly chat page.

**Cam~allthewaybaby14:** FINALLY! When do you think Sam'll come out?

What?

**Creddietothextreme:** I don't buy it, she's obviously hiding her relationship with Freddie

Okay...

**SeddiebeatsCreddie93:** Maybe now he'll pay attention or Sam, who he TRULY belongs with... stupid Creddie fans

My jaw dropped... what was with these people! They had no right to make rash assumptions like that! Well, maybe, but still, to post it on our chat page? Profanity! I log off the chat page, and turn off the computers. I closed the door to the bathroom, and then again at the top of the stairs, and slowly descended them. When I got to the bottom, I put in my pass code 5372426, and the door slid aside.

I dressed for bed as quickly as possible. I put on one of my Dad's old sweaters, and a pair of running shorts, and jumped into bed. I opened the drawer to grab my remote, which controlled all of my electronics. I used to turn on the radio, turn off the light, make sure the sensor was one, and then to lock the secret sliding door. I put the remote back where it belonged, and tried to get comfy on my bed. It was huge and was a waterbed, at my mother's insistence. I have a bad back, but nothing I say will let my mother let me get a new one. I pull up my black comforter, and sink into my purple and green pillows, trying my best not it re-injure my arm. The last thing I thought of before I fell asleep was Miss Carly Shay, and what she would think about me if she only knew the truth.

**Heyy guys, and yes it's still me (: I'm still alive. It's been a while since I got anything new and Cam-ish out. This idea came to be like I was hit with a baseball *rubs head absentmindedly*. I know it's kinda down, but if you've read my work before, it always ends better than it stars. Criticism is welcome, and I totally want your review... they make me happy (:**

**Even as depressing as this story is, a quick shout out to My Lady, for she knows who she is... she's camping at the moment, but hopefully she's mosquito bite-free :D**

**Nicky9**


	2. Meeting with Briggs

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly, nor do I plan on becoming the world greatest ninja-assassin... *crane stance*... just sayin' ;)

Sam's POV

I woke up to a rather loud beeping sound. I flung my left arm in the direction of the sound, and it stopped, and then I felt the pain. I opened my eyes to see that my arm had started bleeding again. I grab my Pear Pod from where it was cleverly hidden and check the time. 7:30 am. WHY DO I FUCKING GET UP THIS EARLY! I slide out of bed and head to the bathroom. I open the mirror door, and grab the antiseptic and the cotton gauze and place it on the counter. I grab my towel, from under the sink, and jump into a cold shower.

I don't know why people always like hot showers, but I prefer cold ones. They wake me up, and I don't need to drink 6 cups of coffee like some people I know, like my Mom and Melanie. They can't function without the coffee. One time, Mel didn't have time to have a cup in the morning before she first job interview, and lets just say that she wasn't working at the Groovie Smoothie's any time soon.

I got out of the shower, and towel dried my hair and body, and looked at myself in the mirror. What person could honestly want me? I have pale blonde hair that goes on forever, big feet, and I was so skinny you could see my ribs... all of them. Not that I was anorexic or anything, I just have a fast metabolism is all. But my worst trait, and the reason that no one on earth could ever love me is on my arm, still warm from where the skin was broken last night. I sigh and lift my arm. It looked like someone had taken a waffle iron to it, time and time again. Under the cuts from last night, I could see the faint scars from years before, starting the year I figured out what 'dyke' and 'fag' meant. The year that knew I'd never again forget Mickey's face. I was 9 years old.

It was three years after Mickey had moved out, and I couldn't remember what his face looked like. I was crying on the couch in the blue room, and my mother saw me crying. "Baby? What's wrong?" she asked, looking like the caring mother she's supposed to be. "I can't remember what Mickey's face looks like," I had told her. I looked up at her, and knew I should have lied and said that I ripped my dress, or Melanie had stolen my baseball bat. "Don't you ever say that name again, do you hear me! I don't want that fag's name mentioned in this house EVER again!" she yelled, and stormed out of the room, making me cry harder. I had somehow made my way to my room, and had punched the wall in frustration. And then I remembered Mickey's face, and I remembered Josh's too, and how happy they looked when they were together. I looked down at my hand, and realized that it was bleeding, a lot. I bandaged it up, and showed it off to Carly the next day. Since that day, it's been hard to think straight, as ironic as that is, and I had been 'coping' ever since.

I had never thought that what I did to keep me sane was bad. I always took care of the cuts, putting on cream and bandages, and they never got infected or anything, so I figured it if they are helping and I can manage, why not?

I walked out the bathroom, and put on some clothes, a tight, long sleeve top, tan coloured, with a greenish-blue T-shirt on over top. A pair of blue-green plaid Capri pants later and I was good to go. I grabbed my blue purse, and put in my Pear Pod, phone, and wallet. My Mom was anal about Mel and I having purse... the whole 'it's a girl thing'. I can't leave the house without it or I get in trouble. I was about to leave without being caught when I saw blonde out of the corner of my eye. "Samantha, what are you doing up this early? Where are you going?" my Mom asked as she walked down the hall to the kitchen.

"You know, the usual. Carly's, school, Groovie Smoothie's, and then Carly's before I come here again before 8 o'clock, same as always," I said, backing away slowly towards the door. The look on my Mom's face was pure rage. "You are not to go to that dyke's house, do you hear me? You are not allowed to go there, and if you do I will confine you to the house!" she yelled. I gave her a look. "Mom, you can't keep me here. You have all your meetings here, and if you tell them why, they'll kick you out of office, and you know it. I'm going to Carly's. What she does in her own spare time doesn't concern me," I said. _Unless it does concern me, in which case you'll never know,_ I thought.

Mom huffed. "Fine, but if I here one word about you and that queer, you're off to Switzerland!" she yelled as I ran out of the house. I couldn't stand her sometimes. I ran for three minutes, until I was sure I couldn't be seen from the house, and stashed the purse, putting my Pear Pod, phone and wallet in my pockets.

By the time I got to Carly's I was totally out of breath. I couldn't' believe I just ran here and didn't eat anything! I got up to go to the fridge when the dork walked it. "Good morning Freddie, how are you?" I ask, still in I-must-do-what-my-Mom-says mode. I grabbed yesterday's bacon out of the fridge and turned around to see a freaked out Fredweird staring at me. "Well... she look's like Sam, and eats like Sam, but doesn't sound like Sam," he said, walking up to me and poking my arm. I gave him a look. "Poke me again and you'll find out what it's really like to be my punching bag," I said, giving him a Puckett death glare. He backed up. "Now that's the Sam I know," he said, plunkering down on the couch.

I sat down next to him and ate the remaining bacon. "What's the matter dork? Are you upset that the girl of your dreams has a girl of hers?" I asked, smirking. He gave me my own look and I backed off. Who knew the dork could be so touchy? I minded my own business until Carly came down for school. "Finally! I thought you were going to take forever up there. Everybody ready to go?" Spencer asked as he came out of his room wearing a purple shirt, orange pants, and an orange headband. Unfortunately, we had seen Spence in much worse, so we just let it slide.

When we got to school, the hallways cleared for us, well, for Carly. She was so worried that her announcement on iCarly last night would receive negative reviews. Little did she know that she already had Mayor Peterson against her. When we arrived at Carly's locker there were notes taped too it. Carly paled. This was exactly what she didn't want. I took them down and skimmed them. Most of them were hate mail. I put them in my bag to track down later, but of the ten taped to her locker down, 3 of them weren't hate letters. One was from a guy, and the other two from girls. They all said the same thing. Thank you for being so strong, so brave. I didn't have the courage to tell anyone that I'm gay. One, the guy, said that he has known since forever that he was gay, but was too afraid that he'd get bullied if he told anyone. Another one, girl #1, said she had a girlfriend, but they were both so far in the closet that they didn't even go out together. The one, girl #2, was a sob story. She had told her Mom that she had a crush on a girl when she was 8 and her Mom had hit her and told her that if she ever said that again she'd be sorry. Again it slipped out when she was 12 and her Mom burnt her several times with a cigarette. This was a girl that Carly would appeal to the most. Not because she was attacked or anything, but because of what happened when she told her Mom the truth, anyone the truth. That's Carly's worst nightmare; that people won't like her for who she is.

We finished reading the letters just as the bell for first period went off. We slummed our way to Ms. Briggs class, no one excepting it to be any better or more enjoyable than yesterday's lecture.

As promised Ms. Briggs droned on about how math will be important in our lives. Then, out of the blue, sprung a pop quiz on us about yesterday's work. I breezed through it, having studied it last year during the summer.

I'm not as bad a student as people think. I have a deal with all my teachers that if I get A's, they'll give me the F's that everyone thinks I get. As a bonus, they give me detention whenever they need to talk to me about my work, which is often now because I'm at a university level in most classes. Not even the dork would believe me.

I handed in the test early, making a big show of fake falling asleep afterwards. I set up my recorder, so if Briggs says anything after the test, my cover won't be blown. I don't even know why I do this anymore, but it's fun to fool everybody. They'll be the ones laughing next year when I'm valedictorian.

When the bell rang Briggs handed back the quizzes, and made a big shows of giving me an F and asked to see me after class. "Yes Ms. Briggs?" I say after everyone left the room.

"Well done Miss. Puckett, you got the highest in the class once again," she said with a smile, shedding the mean teacher persona she has with every one else. "Of course," I said, "don't you know I'm way ahead with math Ms.?"

"Of course, but still. I don't know why you put on the façade of the stupid delinquent Miss. Puckett, but you have the smarts to go to Harvard on a full ride scholarship," she said with a smile. "I'd love that, but with my family situation, I wouldn't be granted a scholarship. Besides, my mother would never let me go," I explained. Ms. Briggs was the one teacher I confided in about my home life. Even about the cutting, which was hard to talk about even to myself. She sighed and sat on the edge of her desk. "Sam, you need to get over this. It doesn't matter what your mother tells you. You are your own person, and nothing your mother says or does will ever change that. Even if your Mom's the mayor, she can't stop you from going to university or college if you want to go. You have the best grades in the whole school for god's sake. You could do anything you wanted to do with your life. Personal or otherwise," she said, getting off her desk and walking around to sit behind it. I smile weakly at her, and rub my arm absentmindedly. She looked at my arm, and gestured for me to follow her.

She had a freaking hospital room in the back! "Roll up your arm Miss. Peterson," she said, knowing that it was the Peterson part of me that didn't want her to know. I jumped up on the desk and sighed, but did as I was told. "You know Ms. Briggs, you can call me Sam," I said as she peeled back the bandages on my left arm. I heard her take a sharp breath, and knew she'd been surprised at the marks. She shook her head as she gently cleaned my handiwork. "If I can call you Sam, you can all me Diane, all right Sam?" she asked, still fixing my arm. I nodded and tried not to think about what I was thinking about when I made to cuts on my arm. A tear rolled down my face, but I caught it before Diane saw it. Or so I thought. "If you need some time to compose yourself, there's a bed by the wall. You're welcome to it whenever you need it, okay Sam?" she asked, helping me. I nodded and hugged her. This surprised even me, considering I'm not a very physical person, in a hugging sense of the word. "Sometimes I wish you were my Mom, Diane, and not her. Then I wouldn't have to deal with her rants and her constant put downs," I whispered as she hugged me tight. "Me too kiddo," she whispered back.

Diane had a class in 10 minutes, so she went out front to get ready, and I lay down on the bed. I had a free period next class anyways, so nobody would miss me for 40 minutes or so.

~~~°•◊•°~~~

When I woke up, it was slightly disorienting. I checked the clock on the wall that said I was 5 minutes late for class. I looked through the one-way glass that led to Diane's classroom, but her class had already started and I couldn't just leave through that door. I went back into the "hospital" and looked around. Down, back in the corner, there was a door small enough for me to fit through. It kind of looked like a locker. I grabbed some paper and a pen from my bag and wrote Diane a note.

**Diane,**

**Thanks for letting me crash here. I'm off to class, so don't worry. I went out the door in the back so I wouldn't disrupt your class. Thank you for today.**

**Love, Sam**

I taped it to the door with medical tape, and slipped out the passage in the corner.

Turns out it was a locker, and not just any locker, but the one next to the locker I used to have. The combination was written on the inside of the door, so I could now use the "hospital" whenever I needed to. I ran down the hallway to my next class. I threw my bag off, so it was only on one shoulder, mussed up my hair to make it look like I was just asleep, and stepped through the door.

Finally the day was over and now I could relax. Coming up on exams and summer break, it was getting really hot. I wanted to roll up my sleeves, but because of last night, I couldn't. We slowly made our way back to Bushwell Plaza, and Freddie left to go do his homework in his flat. Carly and I, on the other hand, did something way better than homework, a movie marathon. Actually a TV marathon, because it was season two of this TV show we both liked. Carly grabbed pop and juice from the fridge, plus the cookie dough she made yesterday in preparation for today. I made popcorn the Puckett way, by adding chocolate chips and M&M's to it. Honestly, it's the best way to eat popcorn, I'm telling you.

Carly sat down organizing the stuff, while I put in the first disk. After three episodes, I was sweating. Carly looked a little sweaty, but I looked like I had just run a marathon. It was either put up with it, or leave. I would never leave Carly, I love her, and not in the platonic way either. I would have to stay and put up with this insane humidity.

Halfway through the next episode, my left arm started to itch. I scratched, not thinking of what could happen if I did. I always bandaged my own arms, but something in this bandage that Diane put on was itchy. Or maybe it was the itching stage for the wounds, but it was probably the second one. I ignored it, but scratched occasionally. When the episode finished, I leaned back into the couch, sighing that now I could get a break from the itching, or at least go to the bathroom to stop it, but it seemed to have stopped itching. Now it was just really hot. I ignored it, as per usual. Carly got up to get more juice, and I switched disks and started the next episode. I was dying in the shirts, but there was nothing I could do. I collapsed on the couch and closed my eyes while I waited for Carly to come back with more juice, or anything cold, really. I heard her footsteps approach, but heard a crash. I opened my eyes to see the juice all over the floor and Carly frozen to the spot. She was staring at me. "Sam? Are you okay?" she asked slowly. I shook my head. "Yeah, Carls I'm fine. Are you okay? You just dropped a tray of juice on the floor," I said, pointing to the mess in front of her, but her eyes never left me. Her eyes widened as I reached up to help her sit down. I looked at my arm, and I could see blood seeping through the bandages. "Sam! What is that?" she said shakily, pointing at my arm. My mind screamed run, but my heart wouldn't let me leave.

"Oh, shit."

**Okay, so I've left you at a little cliffy (: I've never been good at those, so I think this one is pretty okay if you ask me. *smiles big* Please review, I love feed back. You can probably guess where this is going, but you won't know until the next update *laughs evilly* SO yes... PLEASE REVIEW! It's the only thing that makes my day other than talking to my girlfriend... *blushes***

**Nicky9**


	3. Talking with Carly

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly, and I swear on my old pet snails grave that I'm not working for the most powerful lady in the world, and that we're not planning to take over the world, 'cause that would just be ridiculous *pfft* I don't even know why you said it in the first place xD

_Previously on Every Word She Said..._

_Her eyes widened as I reached up to help her sit down. I looked at my arm, and I could see blood seeping through the bandages. "Sam! What is that?" she said shakily, pointing at my arm. My mind screamed run, but my heart wouldn't let me leave._

"_Oh, shit."_

~~~°•◊•°~~~

"Sam? Answer me Sam," Carly said, still staring at my arm. I need an excuse, a plausible one, and fast. Unfortunately I went into my-moms-the-mayor mode. "Carly relax, it was just Frothy. You know how he gets when he doesn't get ham. I forgot to feed him yesterday and he used my arm as a scratching post is all," I said, hoping it didn't sound unSam of me. She eyed me, like she was trying to see if I was lying or not. _Please work please work!_ "If you say so Sam," she said, bending over to pick up the pieces of glass and mop of the juice with the paper towels on the table. Once everything was sopped up, she went to the kitchen and put her First-Aid kit on the table and looked at me expectantly. "Well come on silly, you can't just leave it like that. You might get that cat-scratch disease if you don't clean it properly."

I sighed. There was no way you could change Carly's mind once it was set. It was one of the reasons I loved her. I got up off the couch, and slowly wade my way over to the table. "You know Carly, I cleaned it today at school, and put some antibacterial cream stuff on it," I lied. If she pulled up my shirt she'd see the other scars, the ones not covered by the bandage. "Come off it Sam, I know you don't have any of that cream. You and I both know that only Freddie has it, and he throws it out whenever his Mom gives a new bottle to him. Just let me clean it up, and then we can watch the next episode," she said, taking the gauze, band-aids, cream, cotton balls and hydrogen peroxide out of the kit and placing them on the table. I sighed and sat down. "Carly, I can do this if you want to go and watch. I've seen this episode anyways," I say, taking the stuff from her. She looked at me wearily. "Okay, but be careful and remember to use the cream after the hydrogen peroxide, okay?" she asked. I nodded and she sat back down on the couch. I moved my chair so that the back was to her; didn't need her seeing from the side. I carefully rolled up my shirt, just up to the elbow. I could see the damage I'd done from previous years. Fine white lines danced all over my arm, in this direction and that. I unwrapped the gauze Ms. Briggs— I mean Diane —had wrapped my arm in. I held my breath as I unwrapped the last sheet. 7 angry red lines are there to greet me; perfect in the way they're lined up. 7 completely horizontal lines that get me through the day.

I grabbed the cotton balls and the hydrogen peroxide and I put a generous amount on it. I touch the ball of cotton to my skin, and feel the tiniest hint of a sting. I repeat six times, making sure to pay each one attention. My head was in the game. All I heard was the sound of my blood pumping in my ears from all the concentration. I was reaching for the cream when I heard a gasp close to my left ear. I turned to see a wide eyes Carly Shay staring back at me in horror. I follow her gaze in slow motion to the seven angry marks on my arm. Next thing I know I'm being hugged by a person who's standing up. That was awkward.

I stand up and she hugs me tighter, crying into my neck, or more the place between my shoulder and my ear. I pick up her legs, and carry her bridal style to the couch and sit with her on my lap. I stroke her hair and tell her that it's okay, nothings wrong, nothing to cry about. After about 15 minutes my words get to her. "Samantha Puckett, don't you tell me that you h-hurting yours-self is okay and means nothing. How could you not tell me about this?" she asks, looking at me with her chocolate brown puppy dog eyes. I sigh. "Carly, it's fine. I got it under control, okay?" I tell her and push her off my lap. I stand up and make a break for her bedroom. I manage to her room before she barged through the door, closed it, and locked it behind her.

"Sam, you are going to tell me everything, whether I have to strap you down to the bed and force feed you salad... with out cheese and ham on it," she threatened forcing me into a corner. I make a dash for the door, but she grabs and pulls my feet, causing me to belly flop on the floor with a thud. She flipped me over and straddled my waist, pinning my arms to my sides with her knees. "Now, you are going to tell me why," she said, looking down at me with a fearful look. "Wow Carly, when did you get this strong? I didn't know you could do that," I said, hoping to distract her long enough to flip her over and make a break for it. She pulled her knees in tighter. "Don't you get all compliment-y with me. Now tell me, why did you do that to yourself!"

"Because of my mother," I whispered, closing my eyes. Her body relaxed, but I could feel her breathing hard. "Barbara? She made you do this? I thought she was too drunk to say anything," Carly said softly. I shook my head. "She's not my mother. I can't tell you who my mother really is, because she made me swear not to. She's meaner than mean, and she knows how to get what she wants. Well, almost everything," I said, remembering my father.

Carly crawled off me and helped me sit up on the bed. "My mother, the real one, saw your video from iCarly, the one with you telling the world that you're gay. She wasn't happy that I was best friends with a..." I explained, not able to say the word that tormented me for years. "Oh, I didn't know Sam. Her opinion matters that much to you? For you to cut this much?"

"Her opinion is what matters in our house. She kicked my brother out because he came out to her and my Dad," I whispered sadly. I didn't like talking about why I didn't see Mickey anymore. "You have a brother?"

I looked up to see the most confused face in the world. I smiled and nodded. "Yeah Mickey, Michael. He's about 12 years older than Mel and me. We were kinda late. I remember him telling them. He sat them down on the couch and I was playing with something, either a doll or a bear. He just came out and said it. I looked over at them and my Dad was smiling, but the look on my Mom's face was one I never forgot. It was a look twisted with rage, anger, resentment, sadness, and disgust. My mother stood up and looked him straight in the eye. She told him that he was no longer wanted in our house and that he should pack his gay ass up and move out. She gave him 25 minutes to get anything he wanted from his room. After he packed she left for her office and didn't leave it for three days. Before Mickey left, he gave me a hug, and whispered something to me, then Dad gave him a hug, and about 500 hundred dollars," I said, letting the tears fall down. I didn't want to feel this pain. I didn't want to let anyone know that I couldn't handle it. "Sam," Carly said softly. "You can't blame yourself for something that your Mom did. Your brother must have known that your Mom was a homophobe. He told them for the same reason I came out, because we couldn't handle the lie. I thought I could, just until I got into university, but I couldn't."

She wiped a tear on my cheek with her thumb. "I love you Sam, and I can't let you hurt yourself like this," she said, and I stiffened. "How do you love me?" I asked slowly, turning my head to look at her. She looked down and blushed. "Sam, you are my best friend, of course I'm going to love you."

"You're avoiding the question. How do you love me?" I ask again, hopeful. She looked toward her desk. "What I feel doesn't matter right now. What matters is that you need help and I'm going to give it," she said stubbornly. I smirk at her. "What would really help me is if you tell me how you love me."

"What if I don't want tell you?"

"Oh, you'll tell me. Mama always gets what she wants."

"Yeah well, I might love you, like that, but you're my best friend," she rambled. She kept talking but I didn't hear the words. She loved me. Like I loved her. My hearing kicked back in at the last second. "Which is why I think that it shouldn't matter how I love—" I kissed her. I closed my eyes and let my love for her run through the kiss. She moaned and I licked her bottom lip, begging for entrance to her mouth. She complied and wrapped her arms around my neck. She tasted sweet, like the juice in her fridge. Our tongues danced, fighting for dominance. I pulled my head back, licking her top lip and I did. "I love you," Carly said breathlessly. I smiled and sighed. "I love you too. That's why it bugs me," I said, hugging her close. "I hate that my Mom's a homophobe, that she can't understand that people are just born that way. Why can't she let us be?" I asked, clutching her tightly.

We lay like that for a while, not really caring about the time, until I remembered my curfew. I sat up and looked at the clock. 7:15. If I ran, I might make it home in time. "Carly? I have to go. If I miss curfew then my mother spazzes out," I whispered, kissing her head.

"Can I come with you?" she asked. "I want to see where you live." That was one to think about. There was that spare entrance, under ground that I've been working on. This is a perfect way to test it out. "You got it Carly, but we're going to have to be careful about this, okay?" She nodded and we got ready to leave.

We were half way there when I explained the plan. "Okay. If my mother sees you, you're going to wish that you were never born. Because I hate my curfew, I built an escape root. It's a hatch, in the forest in the back and it tunnels right underneath my bedroom. When you get to the wall, you'll see rungs. Climb up to the top and bang on the door three times. I'll answer it and I can show you the whole house, 'okay?" I explained and she nodded.

I showed her the path, and led her to the trap door. I have to run around front; if I'm late then she'll know. Just do exactly as I said, okay?" I asked and she nodded again. I kissed her quickly and ran around the perimeter, keeping out of the camera view. I opened the front door just as the clock chimed eight. I slammed the door, so it could be heard over the clock and made my way down the hall to my mother's office. "Hey Mom, I'm home," I said, cracking the door open. She turned around in her chair and nodded once, then turned back around. I took that as my cue to leave. I wandered down the hallway, but instead of going straight, I turned right and went to the kitchen. I grabbed grapes, a hunk of cheese, crackers, a knife, a few juice pouches, and a cantaloupe size piece of last night's ham. I through it all in a basket and made a break for my room.  
I closed and locked it behind me and set the basket on the desk. Now I just had to wait until Carly knocked. I waited about five more minutes until I heard the tapping, three times. I went over to the beanbag chair and threw it backwards. I pulled up the carpet and opened the hatch. There, Carly's smiling face greeted me. "Hey Carls," I said with a smile. She smiled back and threw up a hand, which I grabbed and pulled out. After she was out, I put my finger to my lips and quietly closed the hatch and replaced the carpet and beanbag. I waved her forward, towards the armoire and pushed in the wooden beads. Her eyes widened as she saw the piece of technology. I double-checked the door, making sure that all ten locks were secure. I half carried Carly up the stairs, into my second bedroom. When we got up the stairs, I closed the door, locked it, sat in front of the computers, and turned them all on. They showed that my mother was still in her office. I got up and faced Carly, who was sitting in my red chair. "Carly," I said, getting her attention. "Welcome to my house," I said with a smile.

**Heyy guys, hope you like the chapter... and that I didn't fail on the cliffy too much *wink*. I plan on doing a chapter a week, as of now, so expect one by next Thursday at the latest. PLEASE REVIEW! It makes my day and makes me smile, so please please please review (:**

**Nicky9**


	4. The Peterson House

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly... as much as I like to, I don't. And unless I win the lottery, not that I rigged it or anything, I don't see myself owning anything but this computer that I'm writing this disclaimer on. (:

**Sorry it's late guys... Hope it'll be worth it!**

_Previously on Every Word She Said..._

_I got up and faced Carly, who was sitting in my red chair. "Carly," I said, getting her attention. "Welcome to my house," I said with a smile._

~~~°•◊•°~~~

"Is this really your house?" Carly asks, stepping out from around computers and into my immediate line of sight. I nodded my head as I sat down in the red chair, bringing my knees up to my chin and hugging them. Carly gave me an incredulous look. I smiled. "My mother's the mayor. She... she doesn't like it when people know where you live and what you do every second of everyday. Other than my Dad, Mel, Mickey, and you, there are only about 7 other people who know where the mayor lives," I explained, hoping she would understand.

"You would have liked Mickey," I said, getting back up off the couch and to my secret vault in the wall. I went over to the wall, and felt for the breeze. I rapped my knuckles on the wall three times, and the wall jutted forward, and slid to the right. I put the combo in the lock and grabbed Mickey's picture. "He looks like you, you know?" she said, taking a step back, and looking from the picture to my face. I smiled big. I always wanted to look like him. One of the main reasons as a kid, after he left, I played all the sports and dressed in guy clothes, because I wanted to be closer to him. "Nobody guessed he was gay. Captain of the football team, co-captain of the wrestling team, head of the debate team, chess club, and he even had a girlfriend. He used to talk to me about her, and even though I was six, I still remember," I said smiling. I looked back in the vault and saw all my tests, the real ones, and grabbed them too. "There's something else I should tell you about."

I handed her the tests, from the classes I've had this year, and watched her look over them with startled eyes. "Sam! You have even better grade than mine and Freddie's put together!" she exclaimed, sifting through the tests to find the one from today. "You got perfect on the math test?" she asked, looking at me in plain disbelief. "Yeah, I studied that stuff over the summer. You wouldn't believe the stuff I was reading while you were in Yakima and the dork was away at 'camp'," I said, sitting back down on the red chair, trying to breathe normally. "Last summer? So you know all about the functions, and everything?" she asked. I nodded my head. "Franklin talked to me last week about the whole GPA thing. Apparently the student with the highest gets to be valedictorian. Right now, if I wanted, I could graduate early and be the valedictorian. I'm doing all the grade twelve work on top of the grade eleven. When I talked to Diane last week, she said she'd help me with anything I had a problem with."

"Diane?"

"Oh, Ms. Briggs. Did you know she has a hospital in that back room?"

"A hospital? I always thought it was a torture room or something."

"Nope, got all stitched up today," I said glumly, waving my arm as it was mentioned. The look on Carly's face fell. She put the tests back in the vault and sat on my lap. "Sam, we need to talk about this," she said, taking my arm and putting it in her lap. I nodded. "I know we do, but can we do it tomorrow? I promise I'll tell you anything you want to know about me, and why I do this. I promise."

"Pinky promise?" I sighed. "Sure, pinky promise."

I stuck out my right hand and she did the same. We hooked our pinky fingers and closed are fists, bringing our thumbs close enough to finally touch. "See? I promise," I said, staring at her lips.

"So, you want me to give you the tour?" I asked, hoping she'd ask so I wouldn't jump her right here on the chair. She nodded her head and got up. I grabbed her wrist, and gently pulled her over to the computers again. "So this is my main operating system. I call her Mike. She has cameras in all six hallways, in all 5 spare bedrooms, though one of them is only functioning during the school year because it's Mel's. One in the front facing the door, and two facing the back door, one on the inside, and one out. Then I have two cameras in my mother's office, one in the far corner away from the door, and one on top of the door. There are sixteen in total, and I have a security system the Dork would die for. I programmed it all myself," I said proudly, looking over at Carly's stunned face.

"I know this is a crappy kind of tour, but the one I was thinking about giving you would be weird."

"Weird how?"

"Well, this used to be a house where servants lived, so it has discreet access points for the servants to come and go and hardly be seen. You've already been in one of them. My room down stairs was used for storage. When I found this room I was so excited and I programmed the unit down stairs to take only my fingerprints when I punch in the code. If the finger prints are off, or not there, like if someone where wearing gloves, then the door would seal shut until I said the code words out loud into the armoire," I explained. I shut down the computer with the video on the spare rooms and logged into my unit down stairs. I quickly keyed in the specific passwords and codes so I could add a new person to the unit. Name: **Carly Shay. **Now she just needed a password. "Carls? You need to put in a password. After that, when ever you want to come over, use the service entrance I showed you before, and I'll get you a key for the door, and you can come up here and hang anytime you want," I said with a smile. She keyed in a quick password, which I'm willing to bet ham on is the same password for her computer at home. "So," I said, "I can give you a sorta tour of my house from a servants point of view, or I can go down stairs and get my basket of food and we can have a picnic up here. Which would you pick?" I asked, hoping for the second. "Umm... how about the picnic," she said smiling.

I hopped off the chair and pointed to the closet in the corner of the room. "In there are some blankets. If you spread them out on the floor we can eat like a real picnic."

I checked to make sure my mother was still in her office before I went down stairs. I headed straight to the bathroom where I used the mouthwash, and sprayed on some of that body spray Melanie had given me for my birthday. I punched in my code, grabbed the basket, and made my way upstairs to where Carly awaited me.

I came up to quite a surprise. Carly had managed to find the bluest blankets I owned. My mother liked the colour on me, so I hid all of the bluest things in our house; blankets, scarves, even the plates. She had them spread out on the floor with the pillows that were most likely in the same closet as the blankets. I smiled big and closed the door behind me, making sure that the room was sound proof before I sat down.

I sat in front of Carly and spread out the feast. When Carly saw the amount of ham she laughed, that sweet delicious laugh that made me notice her the first time. I grabbed the rest of the food from the basket and handed her the juice pouch with poise she didn't know I had. "So, Miss Shay, what do you think of my house so far?" I asked, cutting the ham, regrettably, into small bits to have on the crackers with the cheese. "I like it. Well, I like your room, and this room. Not to mention that I love your security system," she said, popping a grape into her mouth. I grabbed a grape and without thinking held it up to her lips to eat. I looked up to see her eyes widen, but she opened her mouth to eat the grape. I purposely bit into the grape half way, so I'd have to old it there with grape juice dripping down my fingers. When she finished the half she bit, she opened her mouth for the second half, which I supplied happily. Before I got my fingers out, she closed her mouth, getting the grape juice off my fingers. "I think you missed a spot," I whispered, licking the very same fingers that she had just cleaned. Then Carly did something I haven't seen her do in a long time. She giggled. Not a 'that's dirty' giggle, though it probably was. A giggle that sounded like bells, beautiful Christmas bells that play out the songs. I sighed. I loved it when she giggled.

I moved closer to her, grabbing another grape as I did so, and held it up her to mouth just like before. She only opened her mouth a bit, so when I held it to her lips and pushed it in her mouth it made a _pop_ sound. This time I giggled. I froze. I never giggle. Giggling is for people who don't have homophobic mothers who through there own child out in the streets for telling the truth and being himself. Carly seemed to sense that I was uneasy with the premise of giggling, so she busied her self with the ham. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even realize that there was food under my nose until the last second. I looked down to see a chunk of ham, about the size of half a golf ball, in front of my lips. I opened my mouth and the ham disappeared. I closed my mouth quickly, just as Carly had, to capture the fingers holding the ham. I bit down gently, and I heard Carly take a breath. I took her fingers out of my mouth and kissed them before letting them go and finishing the ham in my mouth. I looked up to see an extremely flushed Carly with a mouth in a small 'o' shape. I smiled, swallowing my ham.

"What's wrong Carly?" I ask, voice low, trying my hardest to sound seductive. "Umm.. Y-you have h-ham on the c-corner of your mouth," she stuttered, edging closer, pointing with her finger. I reached up to wipe my mouth, but something caught my hand. I looked down to see Carly's, and looked up to see Carly's nose no more than an inch from my own. "Will you get it for me?" I whispered, too scared to talk much louder. She nodded her head and gently kissed the corner of my mouth, and pulled back, but not before licking my lip to make sure I didn't have any 'ham' left on it. I realized I had my eyes closed, so I opened them to find that Carly still had hers closed. I grabbed the basket and loaded it up, not caring if the crackers were underneath the cheese and the ham, but I left out the grapes, but moved them to just out side the blankets. I grabbed a grape and popped it into my mouth. Carly was still sitting there with her eyes closed, so I kissed her, just like she had kissed me, but when I licked her bottom lip to move back, her hand latched onto my cheeks and pulled me close, causing her mouth to open. I kissed her and bit into the grape, giving us both the pleasure of eating it... at the same time.

This time I pulled back, but I didn't open my eyes until I could have sworn I heard Carly blush more. I opened my eyes to see a red Carly. Her cheeks were almost the colour of my chair, but her blush didn't end at her neck. It trailed down into the depths of her shirt. Depths in which I would love to trail kisses down. I crawled closer to her, until I was on all fours in front of her. This time, I didn't kiss her lips, but her neck. I attached my lips to it like I was a vampire and she was my first meal. She moaned and leaned back, onto one of the pillows she had put down. I stopped sucking just before I knew a purple mark would appear. I didn't want people thinking bad things about my Carly.

I leant down, completely over top of her now, and rested my forehead on hers. Then, slowly, I moved so that my lips were almost on hers. I could feel her breathing speed up, just from my lips being so close to hers. I couldn't wait to feel what her heart felt like while I was kissing her. I breathed out, hoping that she would start the kiss, but being the stubborn Carly she was, she didn't. The only thing she did do, mind you, was breathe against my lips, teasing me as much I had teased her. I growled and she giggled. I moved closer, no more than half an inch, lips so close that I could almost taste her again. This time, I breathed out slowly, teasing her in a way that was almost too cruel. Her lips came up to meet mine in a kiss I had only dreamed about. The one where her arms are around my neck, and mine around her waist, and she's kissing me with a force I didn't know she had. It was exactly like that. I was so into the kiss that I didn't realize I still needed to breathe, so I drew back slightly, kissing her jawbone whilst regaining my breath. Her breath came in quick pants, like she had just won a triathlon.

Finally feeling more comfortable, I dropped my weight, bit by bit, onto hers, until I was almost lying on her, with my hands on either side of shoulders, trying to stay stable. I had one of my legs between hers, and one of hers between mine. I kissed her again, pressing our bodies so close together that when we breathed, Carly gasped. "Sam," she moaned, arching her hips up to meet mine, and my breath caught in my throat. "Carly," I whispered, grinding my hips against hers to have her make that luscious sound once again. Her fingers twist in my hair and bring my mouth back down to hers to taste her moans. I felt her hands go from my hair to the back of my neck, leaving a trail of fire from her fingertips. They trailed down my neck, from the back to the front, like feathers. She brought them down my body, until they rested where my shirt hem was. Hesitantly she lifted them, and I leaned away so she could lift my shirts over my head.

I shivered when the cold air hit my skin, and Carly seemed to sense my coldness, because she hugged me close to her and made us roll, so she was on top now. I opened my eyes to see her smiling down at me. I pulled her shirt up, and she closed her eyes as I did so. She was beautiful. Now I wasn't feeling cold, but hot, like my body was an oven, so to speak. I rolled us back over and kissed down her jawbone to her neck, and then from her neck to her bra strap, just the way I had imagined. Slowly I made my way down, my lips never leaving her skin until I came to the clasp at the front. I dragged my tongue from the clasp all the way up to her neck, kissing each and every single space that wasn't covered by cloth. "Sam, I-I need to tell you something," she whispered, lust influencing the sound. I stop kissing her neck and look up at her.

"I have a confession," she said, rolling us over so she was on top of again. "What is it Cupcake?" I ask, playing with her pant loop on the back of her jeans. "Well, I really like you," she said, kissing down from my ear to my collarbone. I moaned. "Actually, I'm pretty sure I love you," she whispered, kissing down my bra like I had just done to her. I froze. She loved me. It was yesterday all over again when I realized I had a chance with her because she was gay. This is amazing. "Sam? Sam, are you okay?" she asked, stroking the side of my face. I smiled, a real smile that I haven't done in ages.

"Carly?"

"Yeah Sam?"

"I love you too."

She looked down at me, her eyes smoldering. She sat back, straddling my hips. Her hands went everywhere I could have imagined they would. I arched up when her hands went to remove my bra, and after taking off mine, she took off hers. I thought there was nothing more beautiful than Carly with her clothes on, but boy was I wrong, even if she wasn't totally naked. I wanted to ravish the now unclothed skin like I was bear than just found free honey. I didn't know if she was okay with being the honey, so I just enjoyed the sight, and trailed my hands up and down her sides, feeling the Goosebumps on her arms. She slowly sat back in between my legs, hesitantly. I could tell she was just as nervous as I was, but I sat up and kissed her, wrapping my arms around her waist, pushing our breasts together in a way that can only be described as heavenly. I knelt up onto my knees, and with shaking hands I went to her jeans. I undid the first button, and slid down the zipper. I stood up and offered her my hand. I helped her up and slid the jeans down her slim hips. She stepped out of them, and did the same to me. I was shaking. I knew I was, but I really hoped that she couldn't see it. I thought that it would be embarrassing to stand up practically naked in front of Carly, or anyone actually. But in front of her, I didn't feel embarrassed, I felt empowered, like there was nothing in the world that could bring me down. I took a step forward, bringing one of her hands into mine and half dragging her to a door in the corner beside the red chair. I had kept this incase I wanted to get away from my mother and was too lazy to go anywhere. Inside was a room with white walls, and in the middle was a bed with black pillows, the perfect opposite. I adjust the light in the room with the switch, making it dim, enough so that we could see. I closed the door after us, and faced it for a moment. I turned around to see Carly staring at me with eyes that I had only ever made at ham, occasionally math problems, and Carly. I smirked, walking closer to her with confidence I didn't know I had. I kissed her neck, trailing kisses across it as I silently moved my fingers down her sides until it rested on the hem of her panties. I didn't want to be the one to make the first move, just incase she wasn't sure, so I just rested my fingers there, drawing patterns on the naked flesh. Carly seemed to get that I was ready if she was, and she pushed my hands down, dragging her panties with them. She lay back down on the bed, shaking, with lust in her eyes. I took off my panties, and crawled on top of her, kissing the same spot on her neck as I had not a minute before. I trailed kisses down until I was kissing her breasts like they were the things I needed most in life. And right now, they were. I could hear Carly moaning, and I smiled, lifting my lips from her skin only to circle my tongue around her nipple, biting it lightly to make her squeal. Feeling proud of the way I was making her feel, I brought my hand up and gently squeezed her other breast, the one my mouth was preoccupied with. She arched up, pressing herself into my hand and my mouth, moaning with pleasure.

I half stepped over her leg, to get a better stance when she thrust up, hitting the right spot on me, just as I was coming down with my weight. I moaned. "Carls." I heard a giggle and looked. Carly looked me right in the eye and thrust up again, hitting that same sweet spot she had before. Stifling a moan, I dropped all my weight down, grinding our lower halves together. She sighed and arched up again, pressing herself flush against me. This time I couldn't hold it in. I moaned loud, thrusting down onto her, wanting her to make the sound I just had, again and again.

I could see what she was about to do before she did it. She went to go and thrust up, just as I was thrusting down. I couldn't breathe properly, but I kept going, thrusting down again and again, making her make those delicious sounds just like I wanted her too. "Sam," she said, her voice more breath than anything else as I trailed my hands her sides, making her shiver in anticipation. "Yeah Carls?" I said huskily, hoping I knew what I was doing.

She moaned again when my fingertips brushed her hip and turned their course horizontal. I leaned back and rubbed two fingers against her. She arched her hips up, eager to meet my fingers. My lips went up, kissing a trail to her neck, rubbing my fingers harder against her, feeling her heat radiating in waves of pleasure. I dipped one finger into her, and I heard her moan the loudest. I added a second finger, pumping them in and out of her, enjoying what it felt like to be inside her, be one with her.

As I continued my assault on her neck, my free hand wandered up and down her hips, trailing lightly, and finally met with one of hers, entwining our fingers. "S-S-Sam... I th-th-think I'm gonn-n-na... Sam," she squeaked. I kissed as she came, feeling her walls clench around my fingers. I kept pumping them in and out of her, as she rode it out.

I pulled my fingers out her, and brought them up to my lips. Slowly, one my one, I sucked on them, tasting her, watching her watch me tasting her. She smiles sexily **(A/N: Huh... who knew sexily was a word?)** up at me, and I lean down for another kiss.

I snuggle up her, wrapping my arms around her shoulders as she presses her face into my neck and hugs my waist. "Sam? Can I ask you something?" she asks into my neck. I kiss the top of her head. "Of course Carls, I'll tell you anything."

"When was the first time? You know..." she trailed off, not wanting to upset me too much at the thought of it. I smiled sadly. "I was about 9 or so. I had forgotten about Mickey, and my mother found out. She yelled at me that it was a good thing, and that she never wanted to hear that name ever again. I got so mad that I punched my wall. And I saw his face again, just as if I had seen him yesterday. I looked down and saw that my hand was all busted up, bleeding from two knuckles. I wrapped it up, and I think I showed it off at school the next day," I chuckled. "I remember that! You came right over to me and told me you had... oh, what was it? Something about beating up a teacher or something? I knew you weren't serious!" she said, laughing to herself and hugging me tighter. I yawned to myself, but it didn't go amiss by Carly. "Good night Sam," she said, kissing my neck lightly. "Night Carly," I said.

"I love you."

Those three words that hadn't said out loud in such a long time, other than tonight of course. They always bothered me, mostly because I never had anyone to say them to me, or to say them back to. But now I did, boy did I ever. So I took a breath, and said what I'd wanted to say back to her for years.

"I love you too Cupcake, I love you too."

**Okay, so yes, I know, I'm expecting you all to torch my house or something about how late this is... I was on vacation, and my girlfriend was over, but still, I should have at least posted something. But please forgive me? *puppy dog face* Please? Now that school is starting, I can't do a weekly chapter, but I do promise, on my life, that I will do bi-weekly. I promise! *Scout's Honour* Any who… PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!~~**

**Nicky9**


	5. The Shower

Disclaimer: So... as predicted by me, I didn't win the lottery, rigged or not, so I still don't own iCarly...

_Previously on Every Word She Said..._

_They always bothered me, mostly because I never had anyone to say them to me, or to say them back to. But now I did, boy did I ever. So I took a breath, and said what I'd wanted to say back to her for years. _

"_I love you too Cupcake, I love you too."_

~~~°•◊•°~~~

'_Your salty skin and how _

_It mixes in with mine _

_The way it feels to be _

_Completely intertwined _

_Not that I didn't care _

_It's that I didn't know _

_It's not what I didn't feel, _

_It's what I didn't show _

_So let me be _

_I'll set you free-'_

I groped for my phone, finding it on my bedside table. I flicked it open and put it up to my ear. "Hello?" I said groggily, trying to recall the date. "Sam? Hi, it's Spencer. I was wondering if you by chance knew where Carly was? After she left with you last night she didn't come home. I thought the worst, cause we keep getting these calls," Spencer explains, choking up at the end. I close my eyes and try to remember, and when I do, I turn bright red. "Umm... she's with me Spence. My Mom had a little accident last night, and Carly didn't want me to be alone, so she slept on the air mattress. Don't worry about it, it's Saturday. I'll make sure she comes straight home when she wakes up, okay?" trying to calm him down. If he started hyperventilating on the phone, I couldn't help him.

He took a deep breath. "Thanks Sam, you're the greatest. See you later," he said before hanging up. I clicked my phone shut and plopped it on the bedside drawer and rolled over to face the center of the bed. There, lay a naked Carly Shay, and boy was she beautiful. I sunk back down into the sheets, and started drawing patterns on her back, humming my ring tone. "You have Maroon 5 as your ring tone?" was heard from the pillow. I smiled big. "Yup! It was either this, or the artist formerly known as Prince," I quip as she turns over and hugs the sheet to her chest. She sat up and frowned. "Sam, about last night..."

I interrupted her. "Carly, I understand. I can't be seen with a girlfriend and you just came out. I know. I'll let you get changed."

I swing my legs over the edge of the bed and warm hands were placed around my middle. "That wasn't what I was going to say Sam. I was going to day. Last night was the most amazing night I ever had. I love you, always have, always will. Nothing is ever going to change that, not even the Mayor," she teases with a smile in her words. I turn around to face her, kneeling on the ground, entwining my fingers with hers. "Really?" I ask, still unbelieving. She smiles and leans forward, gently pressing her lips to mine in a chaste kiss. "Always and forever Sammie, always and forever." I get back up on the bed lie down, and smile the biggest smile in the world. The girl that I love loves me back.

"Okay Carls, I have to go downstairs for a few minutes. Get us some food, and check to see if my mother's home. If she is, then we can stay up here or go to your house and if she's not then we can do the same thing, but maybe I can give you a real tour," I teased, going to the small bureau in the black room. I grabbed a pair of dark track pants, a black, button up T-shirt and a sweater, my Saturday wear, and turned back to the beauty on my bed. "There's a shower in the tech room of you want. The faucets are straight forward so don't worry." I give her a quick kiss before going back to the door. "I'll be right back Cupcake."

I run down the stairs, making as little noise as possible and as I flew through the room, I looked at the clock, 9:47... that would explain why Spencer was nervous. Carly had been 'missing' for over 12 hours. I ran down the hallway to the kitchen. On the counter was a small yellow note. I saw my mother's beautiful scrawl mark it's face.

**Samantha,**

**I have a business meeting down at the office today, after which I have to catch a plane to go see your sister's school principle. I won't be back until Sunday, so in the envelope underneath this note is about $150.00 for food. By pizza, Chinese, or go by $150.00 dollars of that ham you like. **

**Sincerely,**

**Claire Peterson**

Wow. She even signed her name. Usually I have to search her office if I get up and she's not there.

I crumpled up the note and threw it in the trash, and stuffed the envelope into the pocket of the track pants. I grabbed a few tea biscuits from the breadbox and began my journey back to my room, my room with the love of my life in it.

I got back to my room and grabbed some clothes from the dresser; two pairs of jeans, one black and one blue, a green t-shirt and a black long sleeve one, and to top it all off, a red vest and a long sleeve blue shirt. I grabbed two towels from the bathroom sink. I shove it all into my gym bag, and grab the tea biscuits out of my pocket and start eating them on the way up. When I got upstairs, I saw that the clothes from last night weren't on the floor anymore. I carried my bundle to the black room, to see Carly looking sexy in a makeshift dress from the sheet. I drop the towels and clothes on the bed. "So... my mother's gone for the day. Well, the weekend actually. So this means I can give you an actual tour!" I say excitedly, taking off the sweater.

"Well, maybe..." Carly started, blushing. I raise my eyebrows at her. "Maybe what Cupcake?"

"Well maybe you could show me something else first..."

"Show you what else first?" I manage to make out.

My breath catches in my throat. She walks over to me, bright red, and sits on my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck. "Maybe you could show me the shower first."

I lift her up, bridal style, and stare into her eyes as I carry her to the bathroom. I set her on the marble countertop, and kiss her gently. I turn on the tap, leaving it more cold than hot. Carly liked showers, but I didn't know what kind. I turned around to see her, still sitting there, looking at me with eyes that could melt chocolate. I grabbed her hips, pulling her off the counter, and set her feet on the floor. She smiled at me, seductively, and pushed me onto the chair I had in there. She walked slowly towards me, humming under her breath. Her hips swayed in time with her humming and she slowly came to stand in front of me. She, one by one, undid all of the buttons on my shirt, and I let it fall back wards. I stood up and caressed the side of her face. She smiled and tugged my sweats down, and I stepped out of the pool of them. She twirled her finger, signaling me to turn around. I turned so my back was to her, when I heard cloth hit the floor. I got Goosebumps, no, my Goosebumps got Goosebumps. I feel her warm hands on my waist, circling me until I could feel her standing behind me. "Sam," she whispered, and I shivered.

"Yeah Carls?"

"Get in the shower."

"Okay," I nodded meekly.

I feel her walk away from me, and hear her pull out the tab that will start up the shower. I turn around and walk towards her, eyeing up her beautifully sculpted body with greedy eyes. I put my hands into the shower, and step over the ledge to get inside. My shower was really weird up here. It started like a one-person shower, but changed into a sort of bathtub-like thing, about the size of two of them. I like to be original.

I walked through my shower, until I was in the far corner. Instead of having just one showerhead, like normal showers, I have several, and they can all be moved. I capped the plug in the big bath, and waited patiently until Carly decided to arrive. I was getting a little impatient, when I hear the audible _splish-splash_ of feat on in a small layer of water. I turn to face the entrance and I see Carly there, wearing absolutely nothing and looking fucking amazing. I meet her half way and crash her lips to mine in an earth-shattering kiss. I back her up until we hit the wall, and my lips blaze a trail down her neck. "Sam," she moaned and I smirked into her collarbone. I continue my journey downwards, kissing her sultry skin. When I get to her belly button, I crash down to my knees, and skip down to mid thigh. I take my time, slowly kissing up one thigh while drawing patterns on the next. When my lips and fingers meet, she's making noises that I've never heard anyone make before. Her breath comes out in little puffs and her knees are starting to shake. When I hear this, my tongue has a mind of its own. My hands hold her legs slightly apart, and I kiss her centre. I can feel her whole body shudder at my touch. I swirl my tongue around her and trace her lips with my tongue. Cautiously, I dip my tongue inside her, and she gasps, her hands go to my head. "Sam! Right there Sam." I was in heaven. I felt her hands on the back of my head, urging me to keep going, but she pulled me back. "Sam, I—I want you to feel how I do," she said, blushing at her words while pushing me back into the water. It almost hit my ears. Almost.

She climbed on top of me, kissing every inch of me she could get. It set my body on fire. I felt so alive, like everything was brighter. She kissed her way down to my breasts and tugged on my nipple. I moaned, arching up into her mouth. I could feel her smiling. She continued downward, setting more flames on my pale skin. "Ung… Carls," I moaned when I felt her fingers on my thighs, and felt her lips on my stomach. She climbed back up to be, and nibbled on my ear. "Are you sure," she asked, rubbing me in slow lazy circles. My breath came in pants. "Yes," I breathed, and she pushed into me, setting a slow pace, too slow. "Carly," I whimpered, arching up my hips to meet her thrusting fingers. Her lips latched on to my nipple when I felt the building. "Carly, I—uggn—I'm gonna…. Oooo…. Carly, I'm—so… Oooo Carly!" I stuttered as she moved her fingers faster, kissing up to my neck, sucking on my pulse point. She moved up to my ear. "Come for me Sam," she whispered seductively, and I complied. Her fingers moved in and out of me faster as I came, the hardest I've ever come. My sight went white with pleasure as I felt my orgasm start to fade.

She held me the entire time, never letting go, always making sure that I knew she was there. When I finally recovered, I kissed her chastely. "Carly, I love you," I said, pulling her close to me. "I love you too Sam," she said, kissing my neck.

We lay there in the water for a while until I finally remembered that we were in the shower. I chuckled to myself and blushed. I wonder if Carly would ever let me wash her hair. I've always wanted to, but I'd never told her that. I sat up in the giant tub, and sat her in front of me, but breasts squishing against her back. "Carly," I whispered into her hair, "can I wash your hair for you?" She nodded, and I reached over to the wall, grabbing my coconut shampoo. I globbed some in my hand, and I put the bottle back. "Close your eyes Cupcake."

I ran my soapy fingers through her wet hair, making sure that I had the right amount of shampoo. My fingertips massaged her scalp, making the bubbles grow thick. Carly sighed and leaned into me, and my hands glide from her head to her arms, rubbing the soap into them. They climb back up, two fingers at a time, then slide down her rib cage, making her shiver. I pulled her close, leaving no space between us, and skim my fingers to her breasts, massaging them like I did her head. She moaned and arched her back, throwing her head back onto my shoulder, giving me full access to her neck. I take advantage of this by sucking at her pulse point, letting her moans fill the shower. I shake away the suds in the water, and crawl my fingers up her hip. When they reach their destination, Carly moans, her breathing becoming irregular. I can feel her heartbeat in my chest, and I can feel her heat in my fingers. I pump my fingers, faster, in and out of her, building up a steady rhythm until she comes, calling out for me. She turns around and kisses me, sighing contentedly. "Come on Cupcake, we'd better get that soap out of your hair." "Soap out of my…? Right. Soap," Carly said, flustered. I chuckled and walked over to the hand held showerheads. Carly, seeing me, gets up and complies, rinsing the soap out of her hair, letting the warm water relax her muscles even more than I did. "Why don't you go get dried off? I'll just wash my hair and meet you out there in like two minutes," I said, walking to the wall where my shampoo was. "No way, if you get to wash my hair, I get to do yours," she smiled, making the 'hand it over' motion with her fingers. I yield the shampoo bottle and enjoy my Cupcake's fingers on my body.

~~~°•◊•°~~~

By the time we get out of the shower, it's noon. Wow the time went fast, I thought to myself. I grabbed my clothes from the gym bag, and hand Carly hers. I knew she hadn't looked at my arm, it's not like she could anyways. It was wrapped up in soggy bandages. I put my clothes on the bed, and walk to the bathroom, stark naked. I take off the old bandages, and see that the redness has gone down. Good, that means no infection. I dab at the cuts, cleaning them with water before I smother them with anti-bacterial cream, cover it with a gauze pad and wrap it up tightly, but not too tightly.

I was really hoping Carly wouldn't notice, but when I cam back, she looked down at my arm. "Sammie, we need to talk about that today, okay?" she asked, pulling her pants up her sensual legs. I nodded absentmindedly and walked over to my clothed. I grabbed the bra I had lost last night, followed by the long sleeve and t-shirt. I put on my socks, and grabbed my pants. I was just doing up the zipped when I felt Carly hug me form behind. "Sam, you need to stop hurting yourself, okay? I know that you think that you do it for a reason, but there is no reason for hurting yourself, not even your Mom. She isn't worth it."

I nodded, my eye's tearing up. I knew all this, but I had been pushing all 'sober' thoughts to the back of my head. "Come on," she whispered, and tugged me over to the bed, and pulled me next to her, face-to-face. She tucked my head under her chin. "Same, I need you to do something for me, okay?" she asked, and I nodded. I would do anything for her. "You need to stop hurting yourself. When I see you like this, it hurts me. I know that sounds cliché, but it's true. I love you Sam, since pretty much the moment I met you I've loved you. I will always love you, no matter what. When you do this to yourself," she caressed my arm, "you forget about the good things, the ones that remind you that there is something to live for. Live for me Sam, please. If for anyone, live for me."

I looked up at her and kissed her. "For you, Cupcake, I would give up the world."

**Heyy guys... So yeah I know it's late, but school... there's no excuse, but I will get these out as soon as possible. Hopefully it will be sooner rather than later... we'll see (: I have a writing class in my schedule first period, so I hope it comes across in my stories... maybe. *smiles big* I don't know if any of you guys read my Seddie stories, but if you do, I has an announcement. Wishing on a Star is up for adoption, so if you would like to adopt it, it's a first come first serve basis. When I post this, I'm going to post the note, so that it's relative the same. We'll see I guess. If you AREN'T a Seddie reader or writer, then ignore the last few sentences :P On another note, I had said that I would come out with new chapters every two weeks, I believe. Right now, it's just whenever I can, so please please please bear with me :D**

**Keep on keeping on (:**

**Nicky9**


	6. Samantha PuckettPeterson

Disclaimer: So yes… as much as I wish I did, I don't own iCarly… just the computer I wrote it on xD

_Previously on Every Word She Said…_

"_You forget about the good things, the ones that remind you that there is something to live for. Live for me Sam, please. If for anyone, live for me."_

_I looked up at her and kissed her. "For you, Cupcake, I would give up the world." _

~~~°•◊•°~~~

I pulled Carly close, wrapping my arms around her middle, liking the feel of the soft skin of her neck on my cheek.

"Cupcake?"

"Yes my creamy frosting?"

"Really Carly? A sexual innuendo? I expected more from you. Anyways, I was thinking…"

"About what Sprinkles?"

"That's a bit better. I was thinking about Spencer. I think we should tell him about us. About me and my… situation."

"Well my juicy peach, I think you're right, plus the fact that Ms. Briggs and I know helps. Maybe we should go see a doctor first, make sure you didn't infect yourself or something," she said uneasily.

"… Doctor? What do I need a… OH! Well yes," I said sheepishly, "I suppose that too. Later. What I meant was tell Spence about my mother and about us. I mean, we are, like dating right?"

I felt her head move from on top of mine and I looked up to meet her hurt eyes.

"Samantha Puckett! Don't you dare for one second think that I don't care and love you with all my heart. Of course we're dating stupid," she said, shifting down so that our heads were level. "I love you," she whispered against my lips. I quickly closed the gap between us and kissed her, hesitant at first, but quickly picking up heat. "Carly," I panted against her neck kissing every word. "I. Need. To. Get. You. Back. To. Spencer. I. Promised. Him. You. Know," I felt her sigh and I lay my head on her chest.

"Did you just call me your juicy peach?"

"I have no answer to that," she said, getting up and swaying her hips to the invisible music that dwelled within her head. The clothes I had brought up this morning fit her well. Black skinny jeans looked so good on my Cupcake. That coupled with the black shirt and the red vest? HOT!

I got up and straightened by clothes, smoothed my hair, making sure that it was mostly dry. I follow Carly's lead and heading out of the bedroom door. She's standing in front of the red chair, and she's sort of staring off into space. I wrap my arms around her middle and she rests her head on my shoulder. "I'm so sorry Sammie, I should have noticed, should have seen the similarities between you and the Mayor. I mean, you and authority? No wonder you don't like it at school you have the Mayor at home with you! And the way she must obviously treat you? And how you put up with it! I'm so sorry," she cries, turning around to hug rightly. I sigh and melt into her embrace.  
"Carly, you have nothing to be sorry about. You didn't see anything because I didn't let you. I've been denying who I was what… and what I do, for most of my life. I've hidden the fact that I'm gay from my mother, which, might I add, is a real feat. What I did to cope isn't something you could have spotted unless you were in my shoes, and I knew that you wouldn't recognize it because you were just too happy about life! My life here, here where I have everything a girl could dream of, sucks ass Carly, pardon my French. I have a doting mother, a twin sister, and a huge house, and now a totally hot girlfriend," I smile as I see Carly blush. "My life will always be complicated, I've dealt with that, maybe in ways that I shouldn't have, but I managed up until now. I won't let anything jeopardize what I have with you Cupcake because I love you, more than I have loved anyone in my life. And if I have to, I'll tell my mother to protect you, to stop her from causing any harm in your life. I would do anything for you. You don't have to worry about me Carly, I can deal, I've been doing it for this long anyways." She looked up at me from her crying and kissed my cheek. "You shouldn't have had to go through that alone Sammie. I love you too," she wiped her tears from under her eyes. I guide us towards the door, go down the stairs and grab her a few tissues from the box on my bureau. I type the code in under the beads and I reach for my bedroom door handle.

"Sam!"

"Yeah Carls?"

"Shouldn't we take the way I came in, make sure that your Mom doesn't see us?"

"She doesn't have any camera's in the house, and none in the front. Well, she has one, but it's focused on the driveway, so as long as we avoid that we'll be fine."

"Oh, okay," was the uneasy reply.

We walked down the hall and I grabbed some shoes. By the time that we had finished tying them, I had a plan. We'd leave out the front door, skirt along the shrubs until we reached the sidewalk and run from there; 10 maybe 15 minutes to Bushwell Plaza. And so, we were off.

~~~°•◊•°~~~

I don't think I've ever seen Spencer more relieved that in that moment. "Carly! You're home!" he yelled, enveloping her in a hug that could crack ribs. Carly smiles and looks at me for help. "Relax Spence, she was with me. She's always safe when she's with me, you know that," I say, peeling Spencer's arms off of my Cupcake. Carly's shifting nervously, looking back and forth, like there's something bothering her, and unfortunately for us, Spencer picks up on it. "Carly? Is something wrong? Oh god! Those Jupiter Martians got you didn't they? SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE! THEY HAVE TO GET THAT PROBE OUT OF HER IMMEDIATELY! You can only last so long. See, they plant it in your…"

"Spencer, relax, I'm fine, I just want to tell you something. We need to tell you something," Carly said, taking him and leading him to the couch. Spencer's eyes narrowed and scanned the room, looking over and then to the door. "This better not be what I think it is," he grumbled and sat down next to her.

"Spencer, as you know, two days ago I came out on iCarly, after Freddie broke up with me. I need to tell you something really important, something that will change my, both of our, lives forever."

The next few moments I won't ever forget mainly because I was laughing myself a hernia on the floor. See, at that certain moment, Freddie decided to let himself into the Shay abode, and there was no cause for alarm, because this happened everyday, so it was practically expected. I even think the dork had a key, but what wasn't expected though, was what Spencer did. He pounced. He saw Freddie walk through the door, and his eyes narrowed more, to become slit like gaps. He stood up, shrugging Carly off his shoulder and pounced on poor Freddie just as he turned around from shutting the door. They landed with a thud on the floor, and Spencer kept trying to smack Freddie in the face, and Freddie was trying to buck Spencer off him, so the whole thing was quite funny. After recovering from my bout of laughter, I grabbed Spencer around the middle and pulled him off Fredweird. "What the hell Spencer? What did I do that could POSSIBLY deserve that? I think I'm scarred for life," he said, rubbing his head absentmindedly. "I can't believe you did that to my SISTER YOU SLIMY GIT! HOW COULD YOU! SHE'S MY BABY SISTER FREDDIE!" Spencer struggled against my hold, but I stayed where I was and kept Spence with me. Carly just stood there, kind of gaping like a fish. "Spencer, what are you talking about?" Carly said, snapping out of her daze, standing up, and putting her hands on her hips. "But—he-Freddie-change forever?" he managed out before he gave up struggling. I let him go, and he waddled over to Carly, sitting next to her. "I'm going to listen this time."

"And without hurting me, right?"

"Shut up dorkwad."

Carly looked from me to Freddie and then back to me. I nodded, telling it was okay to tell him too. I mean, who was he going to tell? "What I was trying to say, before you rudely interrupted me and tackled Freddie, was that I'm in a relationship," Carly patted Spencer's hand and looked up at Freddie. I sat down on the floor by Carly's feet, while Freddie took the other end of the couch, sitting hesitantly next to Spencer. "Alright, who do we have to yell at? I mean, I know that I'm not really your brother, but since I can't have you, I'm going to play the brother role I guess. So that means that Spencer, Sam and I are going to have to have a talking to this young lady and tell her that if she harm's a hair on your hair she's dead, right guys?" Freddie looked around at Spencer and then me. Spence nodded and I just stifled a laugh. Carly giggled and rolled her eyes. "But I need to tell you something about this girl. She's really special. I've liked her for a while, but I was too scared to tell her. I didn't know she was gay until a little while ago, but she has a reason to be in the closet. Her Mom's a homophobe," Carly finished, looking down in her lap at her wrung hands. "Carly I'm so sorry. I love you, and I respect your choices, but it's not healthy for you to be out and her not be. What, are you supposed to have a secret relationship? That wouldn't be good for you and you know it Carls," Freddie said, a frown forming on his face. Carly looked up sadly. "I told you she was special? She's more than that. She's the Mayor's daughter."

"Impossible. The Mayor doesn't have any children. There was a rumor a few years ago about a boy on the streets claiming to be an estranged child, but the Mayor said it was lies," Spencer spoke up, looking at Carly properly. "I know. That was where I was today. I was at the Mayor's house. It's beautiful, and the Mayor's daughter is even more so. Mayor Peterson is very homophobic, and she probably didn't appreciate me coming out live on iCarly a few days ago," Carly thought aloud, laughing to herself while I nodded by her feet. Spencer smiled and started to laugh with her until he stopped abruptly. "I thought you said you were with Sam last night. Sam! How could you let Carly go off with some girl that she came out to her after she came out which, might I remind you, was just a few days ago!"

"I didn't Spencer, relax, you know me better than that."

"Then how did Carly go off with the Mayor's daughter without you noticing huh?"

"Hmm… let me think Fredwad? I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm thinking… DING DING DING WE HAVE A WINNER! I'm not about to let Carly go off with a random girl I don't know!" I practically yelled at him. Well, practically is a loose term. It was more like shouted now that I think about it.

Spencer looked dazed. It was the look he got when he was trying to figure something out, when he was right there on the ledge. "I trust you Sam, I know that you wouldn't jeopardize Carly like that. You must know her really well then, yeah?" Spencer asked, scratching his head like it hurt to think. "Yeah," I smirked, "I know her real well. You'd all like her too. Straight A student, does extracurricular, she's valedictorian for her year, which is the same as Carly, so don't worry Spence. You actually know her a lot better than you think you do," I explained, thinking that they'd never catch on. "Valedictorian? I thought I was the valedictorian for our grade Sam? I have a 97% average, never got lower than a 95 on report cards. I have to be valedictorian!" he threw his hands up in the air. "Calm yourself down! This girl, she doesn't look like your typical valedictorian. Wow… we really need to stop saying valedictorian, huh? But anyways, she's got a 99% average, and was accepted to seven different universities and college's at the beginning of the 9th grade. She turned them down though," I said thoughtfully, thinking back to how hard that decision was. Carly's eye's widened.

"Seven! I didn't know that!"

"Yupp," I said proudly, hoping that one of the two dweebs on the couch would catch on. "Anyways," Carls said, " I want you to meet her. Again. As she should have been introduced to you in the first place. I've been in love with her practically since I met her. This, is Miss Peterson," Carly said, sweeping her hands at the door when no one opened it. "Huh," I scratched my head, "I'll go get her." I got up from my spot and walked to the door, closed it and stepped outside, then came back inside just as Carly was repeating the same phrase. I raised my hand awkwardly. "Hey guys!"

"Where is she?"

"Is she going to come in? I don't want to wait all night. I was thinking about making spaghetti tacos for her. You know, special occasion and all."

"Sounds great, I'm starved. Come on Carls, lets go hang out in the studio."

"Sam, I don't think they get it. We need to spell it out for them." I turned around to face them and stuck out my hand. "Hi, my name is Samantha Puckett-Peterson. My mother is Claire Peterson. She's the Mayor. I'm dating Carly. I've loved her since she stole back the sandwich I stole from her all those years ago. Yes, we are going out, no, I won't rethink it. Yes, my mother is a homophobe and I believe that is all you need to know. Carly?" I offered my arm to her. We were half way up the stairs when we heard Freddie fall over, again. Spencer shouted his dismay and ran up the stairs, two at a time form the sounds of it. "You WHAT?"

**Heyy guys, sorry for it being so late. I'll try and post whenever I can, and since we are starting a new semester here, hopefully that means it'll be soon :D However, I'm working on it. I'd like to think that you enjoy ma story… so please review, it makes me smile rainbow *awesome face***

**~Nicky9**


	7. The Aftermath

Disclaimer: I dun own iCarly… but can I own just the letter 'i' ? :D

_Previously on Every Word She Said…_

_ We were half way up the stairs when we heard Freddie fall over, again. Spencer shouted his dismay and ran up the stairs, two at a time form the sounds of it. _

_ "You WHAT?"_

~~~°•◊•°~~~

When I say that Spencer was less than happy that Carly had spent the night with me, in my house, without my mother home, I'd be stretching it thin. He wasn't exactly angry, but he wasn't happy either. Carly was still bugging me about going to the doctors after dinner.

"You really need to go see one. Maybe we can go in tomorrow? I mean, I don't know if a lot of places will be open on Sunday, but we could try, right?" she asked, holding my hand in hers. I say I was nervous was an understatement. I'd never really liked doctors, and the thought of one looking at me after that is… it's just terrifying.

"Sure Cupcake, anything for you."

Carly squealed a little and hugged me close to her. I took advantage of the situation by smelling her hair. It smelt like raspberries and kiwi… my favourite shampoo.

"Umm… Carls? You might want to stop jumping on me. Your brother is downstairs, and I don't want him to think that I would 'take advantage' of you in here, with him downstairs. He was about to take an ax to my head for letting you stay at my place with my mother away, knowing now that we're dating," I said, pulling close, so that her back was to me. I loved sitting like this, even when we weren't dating.

"Sam? Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course you can, anything for you."

"How did you know you were… well. How did you know you liked girls?"

I was at a loss. I never really thought about it before, it was always just jumping out at me. I mean, when I kissed Nadine all those years ago, I didn't think that it was different. I saw my mother and her boyfriend kiss, and it seemed the same as Nadine and me kissing; Carly and me.

"I'm not sure Cupcake. I mean, there wasn't a time when I was actually attracted to men. When I was little, I never thought that boys were cute, but that I was too much like them. I mean, don't get my wrong, I never thought that I was a boy, I knew I was a girl. I like it," I giggled out, "but when I was little, I knew I was different from you, from my Mom, even from Mickey, but I was more similar to him that anyone."

I lay back down on the bed, my arms making me look like a cross. Carly turned around, smiling slightly, curled up on my side, sliding her hand across my stomach and pulling herself close to me, her head going under my own.

"You never really talk about him. Mickey I mean. What was he like?"

I thought about it. "My mother doesn't allow us to talk about him at all. He was the best brother a girl could ask for. He took me out for ice cream, always took me to the park. Whenever Melanie was back from school, he took us to the movie theatre. Even back then, we had such different tastes, but he always found a way to make us both compromise. My Dad, he used to say that Michael had the makings of a politician, and when he came out to my mother, she had slapped him and told him he'd never amount to anything. After he left, his name was taboo, and if you mentioned anything relating to him or something that sounded like his name, my mother turned bright red, and she stormed off to her office, finding a different way to 'grieve' for the loss of her son," I said, running my fingers through Carly's hair. I felt Carly nod her head, her fingers drawing shapes and patterns on my hip.

"What about you Cupcake? How did you know?" I asked, honestly interested.

"Well…"

"I'M COMING IN THERE AND THERE BETTER NOT BE ANYTHING FUNNY GOING ON IN THERE!" Spencer yelled, barging into the room, his hand covering his eyes.

"Really Spence? I've known you how many years and you don't trust me?"

He took his hand off his face and saw us cuddled on the bed. "You guys look so cute! One second. I'll be right back!" he yelled, and ran out the door, banging and thundering all the way down what I presumed was the stairs, but with Spencer, you never really know. I sighed and kissed Carly's temple gently loving that she smelled like me. Spencer came back and he had a camera. Of course… he would do that.

"Smile please," he said, holding up the camera, and snapping a quick picture. I blinked spastically. I really did hate having my picture taken.

"Come on Spence, do you have too?"

"Sam, please? I'm Carly's big brother, I have to document her first love you know," he said with please in his eyes. I sighed.

"Fine." And with that, I closed my eyes, inhaling the smell raspberries and kiwi in her hair, me on her. I smiled into her hair, kissing her head lightly, knowing that she can feel my heart race and pound in my chest.

"Well, I think I'm done here. You guys are just so adorable together!" Spencer exclaimed, putting the camera down on Carly's desk and sitting on the edge of the bed. I felt Carly's face get warm, and I pulled her tighter to me, feeling her body press into my side.

"I don't want to ruin your moment, so I'm just going to go and start dinner. Spaghetti taco's anyone?" he asked, his eyebrows moving maniacally. I laughed and nodded.

"Sounds great, Spence," I said as he pranced out of the room, closing over the door slightly, humming to himself.

"Well that was awkward," I hear, looking down to see Carly making a face at the now empty doorway. I laugh, knowing exactly what she means.

"So Cupcake, you never did answer the question… How did you know you were gay?"

She turned slightly, putting her hands across my chest and resting her head on them. "It's a long story…"

"I have time," I said with a smile. She smiled back.

"Okay. Well, you should know, I've known for a while, so I thought I knew. I only dated those boys that I did because I thought it would make you jealous. I guess I can say that the first moment I realized that I might not be as straight as everyone thought I was, was in sixth grade. It was during recess, and I had lost you somewhere in the school. I thought maybe you were in detention or something, but because I didn't see you, I couldn't be sure. Anyways, so I'm just wandering around, because for once Freddie wasn't there. He was sick with the flu. Remember?" she asked, smiling lightly, like she knew a deep dark secret of mine. I thought back. There weren't a lot of cases where the dork had gotten sick. Maybe once or twice in the 8 years I've known him. Think Sam… think.

"I think so. That was when Melanie moved away permanently to that boarding school, right?"

"Yeah, that's right. It was about the same time, maybe a little after. Anyways, I was outside and walking around, when I saw Bianca, you remember her. Snooty and blonde, no offense, but she always thought that she was the top dog, but yeah, she was walking around with her boyfriend. I thought to myself. She walks around with him like I do with you, doesn't she? But then all of a sudden, he leaned over and kissed her check, which we did when he had to leave each other, but she reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him on the lips, and I remember thinking to myself, I wish I could do that to Sam. As soon as I thought it, I scared myself. I mean, I'd never had a thought like that before, so I started running, I ran around the track on the field once, and then around the perimeter of the playground. I was just getting to calm down around the back of the school, where no once could see and the occasional student would try to smoke a cigarette, when I heard some talking. I was curious, so I slowed down to a walk so I wouldn't be heard. I walked closer, trying to distinguish the voices. All I really made out where, 'I really like you,' and 'Yeah yeah.' OH! And, 'over with.' I stuck my head around the corner and I saw the two kiss. I was shocked. I had never seen anything like it before, and I was scared of how much I like it. I mean, I didn't see much, just the kiss and the clash of bronze and blonde curls, but I booked it out of there. Took me forever before I calmed down enough to look either one of them in the eye again. That was when I realized I was gay. I went home and did some research, found out there was a word for what I was feeling, lesbian. I did more research; found out that people like me, like us, weren't accepted in some places, so I decided to keep quiet. And that's it. That's my story."

I took a second to process what I'd heard. I remember when Carly started acting weird, kept staring off into space. I had to whack her on the arm repeatedly to keep her head out of the clouds. Whenever I did, she always blushed and murmured a thank you and went back to her notes. Didn't invite me over to her house for a week…

"You saw me kiss Nadine!" I exclaimed, bolting up on the bed, throwing Carly half off me. She blushed.

"I was wondering when you'd put two and two together. I always thought that you'd tell me. A first kiss is a big deal you know."

"I know that," I grumbled, "but I couldn't tell you, because then you'd ask who, and I'd have to tell you it was Nadine, and if I did that, then I'd have to tell someone I was gay. Last time I saw someone do that, they got kicked out. I couldn't risk my Mom finding out. That plus I didn't think it counted, at that age, if it wasn't a boy. That's why when I kissed the dork, I didn't want to tell you either. I hadn't kissed a boy up until then, and most people usually date the person that they kiss. That certainly was NEVER going to happen," I said, putting major emphasis on the 'never'. Carly giggled, and pushed my down, straddling my waist.

"Not that I don't like where I think this is going, but your brother is downstairs, and Freddie is somewhere roaming around the studio, so…" I had started, but was interrupted by her lips. She tasted like cherries, her favourite lip-gloss. My hands went to her hips as her tongue darted out to lick my bottom lip. My fingers gently caressed the skin on her hips as my tongue hesitantly sought out hers, my head trying to stay clear.

"Hey guys, I was just wondering if you've seen my blue cord? It has a black st-RIPE! OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" We heard and jumped apart. I scowled at the dork in the doorway. I turned to Carly.

"I told you he was around her somewhere!" I yelped when Carly kissed my neck from behind. Freddie turned red and dropped his wires.

"What are you doing? Spencer is down stairs you know!"

"You think I haven't told her that?" I joked, pulling Carly down in front of me in a sweeping motion and kissing her deeply. Carly pulled back from the kiss and giggled. I opened my eyes to see a stunned dork standing in the doorway.

"I'm—I—You—Her—leaving," he said, rushing out of the door, forgetting what he had asked for in the first place.

"That's how to get rid of him? I've been working on that for years!"

** Heyy guys, sorry for the lateness, I've been so backed up lately with schoolwork and what not. But alas, I've finally finished. It's mostly fluffly filler; I'm getting to the good stuff next time. But yes, tell your mother I said hi, and while your at it, tell your cousin, your sister, and your aunt :3**

**Nicky9**


	8. The Scars

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly… *cough cough* Dan Schnieder *cough cough*

_Previously on Every Word She Said…_

_ "I'm—I—You—Her—leaving," he said, rushing out of the door, forgetting what he had asked for in the first place._

_ "That's how to get rid of him? I've been working on that for years!"_

~~~°•◊•°~~~

"So Sam, you never told your story. I mean, you said that you knew from a young age, and that you were similar to Mickey, but you never really said anything else," Carly said, still flushed from getting rid of the Dork.

"Yeah, I know, I was kind of hoping that would forget about that. It's kind of tied into the… you know… cutting, but in a way, not so much. It's hard to explain in words, but I'll try. Just for you Cupcake," I wink, seeing her sadness at the lack of explanation.

"I was about 7 when Mickey left. I didn't quite understand why at that point, I got the point when I was 9 let me tell you, but I knew that he was gone. I remember going into his room and taking all his clothes. He was on the football and wrestling teams, so he had a lot of jerseys. I used to sleep in them, until my mother found out. She took most of them. I still have his quarterback jersey, the one from the last game he played, and a couple of shirts with our last name on the back from wrestling and debate. I was at that age where I needed to know things, and I needed to know them now, so I was always asking the first questions that popped into my head. Mickey had been gone for a month, and my Dad was still living with us at that point, so I went to him and asked him where Mickey was. He had looked around the room and closed over the door. He told me that Mickey was at a shelter, a safe place for him to live until he could find a place of his own to be. I still didn't get it, so I asked him why Mickey wasn't living here. He said that Mickey and my mother got in a fight about Mickey's sexuality. He explained what that word meant, but even back then I didn't know what it was," I laughed, trying to stay positive. I sat up and pulled my arms around my legs. Carly sat up with me and put her arm around me, rubbing circles into my back. This was one of my main triggers, remembering Mickey, the fight with my mother.

"He told me that Mickey wanted to marry a boy instead of a girl, and that my mother didn't agree with her, saying that he's not allowed to likes boys, only girls. I thought about it for a minute. I was 7 years old. You remember what it was like, boys noticing girls, girls noticing boys. Except, I wasn't; like Mickey. I asked my Dad what it was called if you were a girl and you wanted to marry a girl. He looked at me and smiled. He said that if you were a girl, you would be a lesbian. The way he said it, even at age seven, I knew the word described me, at least a little bit. I gave him a big hug, and bounded out of my room. I remember leaving the house and running in the back yard. If I told my mother that I was a 'lesbian' would she kick me out like Mickey? It wasn't really until I kissed Nadine that I knew for sure that I was gay. Up until then, I had tried to be normal, tried to interested in boys the way Melanie was, the way my mother wanted me to. That day when I kissed Nadine, that was the day that I truly hated my mother."

"Why do you always do that?"

"Do what?"

"You always call her your mother. She's still your Mom…"

"She's never been my 'Mom'. Ever since I can remember, she's forced stuff on me I hate. She is a mother, because she gave birth to Mickey, Melanie, and me, but she is NOT a Mom," I get out, breathing heavily. I start to cry, something I haven't done in a long, long time. Crying is a sign of weakness, something that I don't do. I haven't done it in nearly nine years. I reach under my sleeve and start picking at my scabs through my bandage. Carly grabs my hand, and kiss the palm, putting it on her cheek, pulling me close to her.

"Carly, I need to show you."

"Show me what, Babe?"

"I need to show you what I've done."

"Sammie, you don't need to show me, I know."

I pull my hand away and wipe away my tears. She doesn't understand. I mean, we slept together, but she didn't see all of me. "Carly, you don't. And I do need to. Please, let me?"

She nodded at me solemnly, taking my hands and kissing them. I stand up and grab Carly's hands, walking to the bathroom with her trailing behind me. I flip the lights on, like I have millions of times, and take a deep breath, letting it out slowly. I usher Carly in and lock the door behind her, standing in front of it.

Slowly, I peeled off my T-shirt, and the my long sleeve shirt. I had no scars on my stomach or chest. However, in the now bright light, you could see the hundreds of pale white scars that littered my biceps and arms. Carly sucked in her breath. I thought she had seen them when we were changing this morning, or even in the shower, but I guess she did see all of them. I finger the button on my blue jeans, and with shaking hands, I unbutton them and slide down the zipper, gliding the blue jeans down my hips to where they pool at my ankles. No one has ever seen these scars. The hundreds, possibly thousands that litter my thighs and calves. When I first started cutting, I didn't want to have to hide my arms, so I did my legs. I started with my hips, but then moved down to my upper thigh, my lower thigh, and the sides of my knees, my calves and even my ankles. Scars over scars, some raised and some indented in my skin, patterns all over. I look down at them. I remember putting each and every single on of them there, each instance. My fingers run over the last on I did, a few months ago, almost an inch wide. I could feel the reason behind it. Carly lifted my head up to meet her and gently pressed her lips to mine.

"Sammie. You are my girlfriend. I love you. And," she said, kneeling down, "I love all of you." She kissed my legs, my hips, all the way up my arms until she reached my face and kissed my lips.

"I love you too Carly."

"Come one, lets get you clothed again, Spencer might come up."

Silently I put my clothes back on, piece by piece, trying not to ask her what was on her mind, because I can tell she has questions. We walk back to her room and I sit on her bed, cross-legged, and wait for the questions I know will be coming.

**Heyy guys, sorry for the EXTREMELY lateness. I've been trying to schedule my courses for university next year, and apply to get a loan, and it just been a COMPLETE mess. So yeah, sorry for the lateness, and also the shortness. I will definitely write more for the next chapter. I Hope you enjoy it, and please review!**


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